I spent much time as a child pondering if I would have ever existed if even one of my ancestors had not gotten around to being a parent of the next person in the chain of generations that came down to me. It was a delightfully scary thing to ponder, especially since one of my more illustrious ancestors actually fell off the boat on the way to America. If he hadn't been fished back on board before he drowned...I was discussing family history with my four year old the other day. In explaining how her mother and I ended up getting married because of an convergence of events, she made the connection I think most of us make at some point. Our existence once depended on a series of events that, had even one of them gone differently, we would never have been.
I believe that not only does one's essential existence depend on both parents, but also on the timing of the birth. Children from the same parents are obviously very different, so to me it stands to reason that a birth postponed a year will be a very different child. So I think it is natural and appropriate for us to have a sense of awe, as my daughter did, when we consider the preciousness and uniqueness of our identity....[snip]
I could try to illustrate this with scores of hokey analogies, but I think we all have to come to this realization on a deep personal level. For me it was seeing that this individuality was one of the keys to the mystery of Love. Will you accept a substitute for your beloved?
But I think the part of the Marlowe's Shade essay that I'd like to emphasize is the last point in the excerpt.
Will you accept a substitute for your beloved?
Well, no, not least of all because there is no substitute, is there?
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